About Me
I’m a published writer and blogger, primarily on the subject of mental health and recovery. I have a history of severe psychiatric illness and I currently work as a licensed clinical social worker in the NYC area. Bridging the divide between a recovered psychiatric patient and clinician, blending experiences, I write seamlessly from one voice.
As a former patient, I write honestly and unflinchingly, revealing the realities of mental illness as well as the joys of healing. As a clinician, practicing since 2000, I utilize my professional knowledge and experience to weave in facts and create a compelling narrative. My pieces are crafted to engage, so the reader will walk away having recognized themselves and feel less alone.
Mental Health Journey
In 1986, in my late twenties, I was diagnosed in quick succession with anorexia and major depression. In 1990, after I’d been habitually cutting, and following my second suicide attempt, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). BPD centers on the inability to manage emotions effectively. My recovery journey began when I started learning the skills that make up DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and used them to help me tolerate my intense feelings.
I obtained my master’s degree of social work in 2000 and launched a second career. Recovery from a severe psychiatric illness is anything but linear. In 2005 I plunged into another deep depression. TFP or transference focused psychotherapy is a different form of treatment for BPD, focusing on the relationship between the patient and the therapist. Dr. L. was the TFP therapist (and psychiatrist) with whom I worked and I credit our work together with saving my life.
The multitude of exchanges Dr. L. and I had in therapy were akin to navigating an underwater cave; blind twists and turns, narrow passageways, life threatening at times, but also full of incredible discoveries and amazement.
Eight Months After A Suicide Attempt
Nine months ago, in February of 2014, I covered all of the mirrors in my apartment because I couldn’t stand the sight of myself. The white sheets had tiny blue sailboats on them and when I brushed my teeth in the morning I saw a fleet of ships setting sail for the ocean’s depths. The nautically themed set of sheets were a spare I had stored in my linen closet in case a friend needed to stay overnight on the couch. Which hadn’t happened in years.
I hated myself so much I couldn’t stand to glance at my reflection. I hated the sight of my eyebrows and how they were imperfectly arched and asymmetrical. I hated my unruly dark hair that had turned dry and frizzy after menopause. Most of all I hated what was on the inside; the person that lurked within that ugly shell, the one who was never able to live up to her father’s expectations, who had never been able to fall in love and who at that moment believed she had totally screwed up her life.
The Intima
Journal of Narrative Medicine
NON FICTION | SPRING 2015
Life With Mental Illness Is:
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1 in 5 adults in America experience a mental illness.
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90% of those who die by suicide have an underlying mental illness. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S.
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BPD affects 5.9% of adults (about 14 million Americans) at some time in their life
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Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and is a major contributor to the global burden of disease.
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Serious mental illness costs America $193.2 billion in lost earning every year.